Is What We See Really What’s Out There?
Some years ago, there was a very popular movie called the Sixth Sense, about a boy gifted, and burdened, with a unique gift—the ability to see ghosts. This boy would see all sorts of ghosts, the spirits of dead people hanging around this earth because of some unfinished business they had. At one point, the boy explains to his psychologist that the ghosts don’t see each other: “They see only what they want to see.”
On Rosh Hashanah morning, we read the Torah’s description of one of the interactions between Avraham, the progenitor of the Jewish people and the father of monotheism, and Avimelech, the king of the Pelishtim. On a previous occasion, Avimelech had demonstrated that he was not the greatest of moral figures—he had seized Avraham’s wife, Sarah, taking her into his house to be his own wife.
This time, with Sarah and Avraham reunited, Avimelech, accompanied by his general, Pichol, comes to Avraham with a surprising request. They have come to recognize that God is with Avraham in everything that he does, and they want to make a treaty with him. It is natural that Avimelech would want to be favorably connected to an individual to whom God is so near, an individual of such righteousness and high character.
The big surprise, then, is in the details. After recognizing that God is with Avraham—that Avraham is a man of God—Avimelech makes Avraham swear to treat him and his descendants well. He makes Avraham swear that he will not act falsely towards him or his descendants.
The question is: Shouldn’t this be the other way around? Why is Avimelech making Avraham swear to be truthful and honest? It should be reversed! Avraham should be making Avimelech, a man who we see is not above reproach in his dealings, swear to him! Why does the dishonest man seem to suspect dishonesty in the honest one?
Here, the observation of that young boy in the “Sixth Sense” comes to the fore. “They see only what they want to see,” he says about the ghosts who cannot see each other. They are interested only in their own after-lives and issues. Avimelech’s actions—making Avraham swear to him that he will not harm him—may have a similar explanation. Avimelech himself is not the most honest, not the most caring, not the most upright character. He sees others in light of himself, “he sees what he wants to see.” Because of his own personality, Avimelech cannot even see that Avraham is a righteous man. He sees the world—and Avraham—in his own image.
Along these lines, we can explain a famous insight of the Ba’al Shem Tov once said that if you see someone with a particular flaw, you should examine yourself more closely, because you probably suffer from that very same flaw. Why should this be that I am likely to have the very same flaw that I see in another person?
Because I see the world through my own personality, and I recognize my own character when I see it. If I am selfish, and I see someone else who is generous and altruistic, I will naturally suspect he has an ulterior motive—because that’s just the way I see the world.
This has a great deal to do with what we do on Rosh Hashanah. On Rosh Hashanah we have a very specific and serious mission—to make ourselves worthy to stand before God. And we begin to do that by taking the lesson of Avimelech, the lesson of the Ba’al Shem Tov, the lesson of “we see only what we want to see”:
a.. We first must realize that what we see in others is as much about us than it is about them. Is the world full of impossibilities? Perhaps it is we who throw the impossibilties onto the world, and not the world at us.
b. Second, we must take an honest, painful look at ourselves. We must each peel back our defensiveness and look at ourselves, warts and all. Are we selfish? Arrogant? Lazy? Petty? Insecure?
c. Third, we must picture who we wish to become. Instead of selfish, selfless. Instead of arrogant, humble. Instead of lazy, proactive. Instead of petty, understanding. Instead of insecure, confident.
d. Fourth, we must strive to change our behavior, and ultimately, our character.
The essence of all this is that we are able to change. We can choose who we want to be. And we will find that as we change for the better, we will see those around us and our overall situation differently as well.
May God help each of us in this painful and sometimes lonely task. May He give us strength and dedication to see it through, to support each other. May He help us forge, this Rosh Hashanah, a ruach chadash v’tahor, a new and pure spirit, so that we can merit to see the upcoming year, a Shana Tova u’Metukah.