By Michelle E. Friedman, M.D.
“Rabbi, this is hard to talk about but……
….I want to be more observant but my husband thinks that going to the mikve is primitive.”
….our daughter wants to bring her non-Jewish “friend” home for Pesach…
….my father had a stroke and is on life support. He told me he never wanted to live hooked up to machines.”

From the moment young men announce their intention to study for the rabbinate, they are bombarded with questions regarding the most intimate and far-reaching aspects of life. Congregants, friends and complete strangers bestow trust, confidence and enormous responsibility on rabbis asking for help to navigate difficult religious and personal situations. The observant Jewish community should be grateful for this phenomenon – we know that our mesorah has guided generations before and we hope, in this increasingly complex era, that Jews turn to traditional sources of wisdom for counsel.

The best community rabbis have always been those who could transition from intellectual scholarship to practical wisdom in real time and with real people. Steeped in Halakhic learning, such rabbis influenced Jewish life not only by answering the specifics of questions posed, but by reaching beyond the manifest she’ilot, and going to the emotional and psychological core of questions. Pastoral arts of yesteryear were honed through mentorship and example. As is true in all areas, some rabbis were more talented than others in the raw skills of listening and advising.

The contemporary rabbinate faces the challenges of an increasingly porous and diverse society. Rigorous classical education in Halakha is essential. At the same time, rabbinic training of today can benefit from the recent fields of psychology and professional counseling. Rabbinic preparation should include training in specific counseling methods as well as sensitivity awareness regarding the impact of the rabbinate on the rabbi’s personal life.

I have the privilege to be involved with the pastoral training program at Yeshivat Chovevei Torah Rabbinical School, which meets this challenge with a three-part program; 1) didactic instruction in the classroom, 2) practical experience in hospitals and rabbinic internships, and 3) individual awareness through special group work and supervision. The goal is to prepare graduate rabbis to listen with rigor and compassion, to know what kinds of basic diagnostic additional information is needed in any situation, to tactfully ask those questions, assess the situation and, finally, to either resolve the issue or refer the congregant appropriately to a more expert resource. Throughout, the sensitivity of the pastoral counseling encounter is paramount. Divulging personal matters evokes powerful emotions on both sides. Rabbis need to chaperone the vulnerability and stigma congregants may experience. Rabbis also need to be aware of feelings and issues touched off within themselves and to monitor the boundary between themselves and their congregants.

The didactic component of the program begins with a weekly skill-building course in the first year. Through classroom instruction, reading assignments, and role-play, students learn interview technique. The students explore challenges inherent in the rabbinic encounter – specifically, how to meld the role of compassionate, non-judgmental listener with that of Halakhic authority. The course goes on to introduce classic signs and symptoms of psychological distress, such as anxiety and depression, which rabbis are likely to come across in their communities. Also covered are highly emotional personal and community situations that rabbis more uniquely encounter. The psychology of ba’al teshuvas and converts and the impact of trauma and catastrophe are but two examples.

The second year didactic curriculum is devoted to two areas that demand strong rabbinic presence- Bikkur Cholim and marital and family counseling. Students rotate through an intensive chaplaincy course run by the Jewish Health Care Chaplaincy of New York, dividing their time between classroom instruction and hospital visits. Group sessions provide a forum to discuss and process the powerful experiences evoked in sitting by the bedsides of ill and dying patients.

The third year aims to blend counseling and practical Halakha around a life cycle curriculum. Starting with birth and early childhood, we weave topics such as the psychology of parenthood together with rabbinic responsibilities such as brit milah, or a family’s wish to create a simchat bat. We consider issues such as the impact of having a disabled child, the spiritual life of young children and religious issues of childcare. Several class hours address topics including dating, courtship and relationship navigation, with pre-marital counseling a priority. We expect each rabbi to spend several sessions with a couple, helping them prepare for marriage, prior to serving as mesader kiddushin at their wedding.

We devote curriculum time to the complexities of homosexuality, the situation of older singles, relationship challenges such as infertility, adoption, addiction disorders, domestic violence, and infidelity. The third year course also devotes several sessions to the end of the life cycle, dealing with aging, end-of-life issues, and navigating the involvement of caregivers. While not all areas can be covered, the goal is to give the students a basic comfort in the Halakhic parameters and broad psychological issues of major practical topics.

By the fourth year, students are looking towards their future pulpits. Third and fourth year students travel to affiliate synagogues where they work under the mentorship of community rabbis. Each student is also assigned a supervisor with whom he meets several times per semester to discuss problems and nuances of pastoral situations that arise during the internship.

The curriculum for the last year of the formal pastoral counseling program is organized around a master class model. Each soon-to-be rabbi prepares a clinical case presentation culled from his internship. In the presence of the entire student body, he presents his case to an invited master teacher- guest experts in the fields of psychology, psychiatry and rabbinic counseling. The master teacher delves into the case, highlighting and exploring specifics of the situation.

In addition to classroom and supervision time, our program has pioneered a unique forum for personal development – the process group. One of the most difficult challenges for rabbis is the loneliness of the profession. In order to be effective, rabbis need to be simultaneously available, charismatic and slightly separate from their ba’al ha-batim. Titrating these boundaries requires preparation. We believe that experiences in the process group helps our students encounter these issues individually while also strengthening bonds of trust and support with their fellow students.

Every week, throughout the entire program, each student class meets with a process group leader, a mental health professional who makes a commitment to work with that group for the full four years. Discussions of the process group are entirely confidential, exploring personal, academic, religious or any other issues. Process group is a template for life outside the yeshiva. Undoubtedly, tension and confrontation between group members occurs. The students need to learn how to mediate moments of crisis in the process group and how to live with conflicts that cannot be resolved. These skills will serve them well in their future work as community rabbis.

Based on the enthusiasm that rabbinical students have for process group, we have also started a monthly support group for spouses, out of our recognition of the complexity of the role of the rebbetzin. Women come from varied personal and professional backgrounds and anticipate different degrees of engagement in their husband’s work. The support group, facilitated by a rebbetzin who is also a social worker, allows exploration of these issues and provides opportunities for students’ wives to talk with the wives of practicing rabbis who come to New York specifically for group meetings.

The success of such a program depends on the availability of expert faculty. We are fortunate to draw upon the resources of many clinicians in New York City who are committed to training rabbis. Our pastoral counseling teachers recognize that clergy are often first responders, the initial contact for people in distress. The competence and comfort of rabbis in these tense, demanding situations can determine spiritual and practical outcomes for many individuals and families.

Building a comprehensive pastoral counseling program requires commitment of precious academic time and financial resources. Even more, it calls for flexibility of mind and tolerance. Today’s Jewish world desperately needs learned rabbis who can reach kehillot through involvement in the day-to-day challenges of living. I am proud to be part of a careful, rigorous pastoral counseling program, and hope that sharing this information will enrich smicha preparation elsewhere.

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